Tender Loving Stuff
2 Haul Out Blvd.
On the Lane
To The Object It May Concern:
Please accept my apology for not writing you an individualized letter. As soon as I owned up to my responsibility for the harm I have caused to all the objects in my possession and to things that have slipped through my fingers, I have been swamped with the tidal wave proportions of my To Do list.
You must think I am a really bad person. It has come as quite a shock to me that you might be right. I have always considered myself more careful with my things than most people. In the North American context, I probably am. On my death bed, will I regret that I did not shop enough? I doubt it. Flying over all the garbage dumps across the world on my way through the clouds, I might be appalled at the amount I contributed to the heap.
I am sending this generic letter as a temporary measure. I promise to write a full, itemized disclosure of my thoughtless behavior toward you and your company. I will rectify the situation to the best of my abilities.